Tammy Pescatelli

Comedienne/Actress Tammy Pescatelli is a three-time Addie Award winner and two-time Cleo nominee. She's performed in comedy clubs all over the USA and is arguably one of the hardest working women in comedy today. Tammy has appeared as featured comic on television shows like "Evening at the Improv" and "Court of Common Sense," and was recently named winner of the "Bud Light Ladies of Laughter" Competition.

Advice from the Green Room: How did you figure, 'This is what I want to do?'

Tammy Pescatelli: I always loved stand-up. I mean, I was crazy about stand-up comedy. I remember being a kid I had every Eddie Murphy tape that came out. I had to sneak to buy them because I wasn't allowed to listen to that kind of language in my house. And I had to sneak it and listen to it in the closet. When I was 18 I got a fake ID. And all of my friends would sneak into dance clubs and I would go to comedy clubs. It never dawned on me that I could be a comedian because I didn't see women that I could related to. Not that there weren't women that were funny. Roseanne. Ellen. Rita Rudner. But none of them were young, or they were talking about their husbands or their kids. Ellen probably wasn't that much older than me - probably only 7 or 8 years - but no one I could relate to. One day I went to a comedy club with my brother. I had just graduated from college. There was this female emcee. She wasn't that good and I told my brother, 'I could do that'. He said, "I'll bet you 50 dollars. There's an open mic night.” So I went home, and I practiced. I did my open mic night and the next week I did it again and they gave me the radio show.

I still didn't know I could do it professionally until I saw Kathleen Madigan. She's really the reason. At that time I was 20 I think she was 24. And she was rolling with the boys, and telling jokes. And even though I'm a girl, I have a great father and brother and I didn't want to male-bash. I didn't want to talk about menstrual cycles. That's what the women were talking about. I wanted to talk about stuff I found funny. And when I saw Kathleen she just rolled and I thought, 'That's what i want to do'. That's how I tried to write my act from that point on...

Advice from the Green Room: What was some of the best advice you've received?

Tammy Pescatelli: One female comic told me to 'go home.' That was the best advice I got because I wanted to shove it in her face. Women have been the worst to me in this business. Some have been the best, and some have been the worst. I was so excited to see her. She was a headliner. She said, "You just graduated with a degree in fashion design?" I said, 'yeah.' She said, “Well that's what you should do. You should go home and do that.” C'mon. I've only been doing comedy six months. What do you want?

Some of the best advice I got was silly things. Brett Butler told me, "Never sleep with a comic." and that was the best advice because [comedy] is a boy's club. People would think that if i slept with them, and I made it, then people would think I slept my way there.

Don't drinks out of the coffee mugs in hotels because the cleaning ladies wipe the toilets, then they wipe the mugs with the same towel. Mark Curry told me this, and Bill Cosby told him this: Don't let cleaning ladies in your hotels because they think that you're rich because you're a comedian - even when you're not making any money. And they will likely take stuff because they think you're rich and you can replace it.

Festivals

Montreal changed my career. Out of Montreal I found an agent and a manager and really made my presence known in comedy because I had just been a road comic working, working, working. I had just moved to LA a year before so no one really knew me. So it was really good and for me it made a great start to the industry.

Material Girl

Try anything. Try everything. There are only so many thoughts in the world. And we're looking at the third generation of stand-up comedians. You have to figure out who you are. Ultimately, if you think I’m funny or if you think I’m not funny - what ever the case may be - I finish my show and people leave the room. And if someone came up to them and said, "What do you think Tammy Pescatelli thinks of this?" they should know. Because my opinion should be that strong - and hopefully make them laugh in between.

Write something that's so uniquely personal to you. There are going to be some things that are typical, but you can know when people steal because all you have to do is listen to their act. "Does that stuff blend with their other material?" If you write something unique to you, you're less likely to have it lifted by someone else.

I had a joke stolen and they did it on the Tonight Show. Years later I told Jay Leno about it. He told me 'someone is going to steal your stuff. But you're a comedian, you'll write another.' The good news was, I now already had a joke that was on the Tonight Show! Now all I needed to do was write about 17 more Tonight Show-worthy jokes. I could do it. By happenstance, my first TV appearance was the Tonight Show.

Friendly Competition

The beauty of comedy is that when other comics are doing well, it only helps you. Who cares if they laugh at Larry The Cable Guy or Dane Cook? Maybe it will make them want to come to a show and see you?

Raphie May

Veteran comedian Ralphie May’s popularity exploded after the success of the first season of NBC’s hit reality series, “Last Comic Standing”. Long-time fans of Ralphie’s stand-up were joined by countless new fans when America thought he was robbed of the winner’s title. Despite the show’s outcome, Ralphie’s special brand of comedy combines the familiar elements of hip-hop and topical comedy with a dash of southern down-home flavor and quick wit making Ralphie May one of the most popular comedians in the country. His first DVD, appropriately titled “Just Correct,” went PLATINUM! Released on February 10th of 2004 by Melee Entertainment, a division of DreamWorks, the collection has been described as “fresh and very, very funny.” The DVD also includes footage of his USO Tour to Iraq where he could be seen swimming in Saddam Hussein’s pool.

Raw Material

"How do you get material?" People always ask me that because I write about 2 and a half new hours of material every year. It's easy. You play a game with yourself every time you go on stage. Every new joke is 5 points. Every new tag line is 2 points. Rearranging your material is 1 point. Try to get a minimum of 10 points per show. When I do a headline set, I’ll average anywhere from 60-70 points.

New joke

Write one new joke every time you perform - a joke being anywhere from 8 to 12 seconds depending on if it's fast or slow. You do five of those and you have a new minute. At that rate, you'll have an hour of great material in a year.

Tag line

Two points for a new tag line. No joke is ever finished. Young comics always mess up and make a mistake of not finishing their comedy. They'll get it to where it gets a laugh and then they'll go on to the next joke. A joke is never done. All these jokes are like rubber bands. You can expand them much further than you think. They'll always hold a lot more. Every joke is like a deck of cards. You hold the two end cards together and you have all the other cards in between. They make up quite a bit of space, but they're all individual pieces. If you couldn't think of a whole new 'deck', meaning a new joke or premise, you can add more cards to this deck and make it bigger, and bigger, and bigger. You can get it to where your bits are 12 to 15 minutes long. That's what I do. If I can't out write them on creativity, I’ll drown them in every angle that a joke can have. Every angle.

Be personal

Tell your stories. You want to make sure nobody steals from you? Then don't do anything that anyone else can talk about. Talk about personal instances. Include your personal stuff into it. And don’t' say, 'this is a true story.' No one ever believes anyone who says 'this is a true story' to start off with. But if you add more personal stuff to it, whether it's true or not is immaterial as long as it's funny. That's all that matters. But to make it more believable, and to act like it really happened you'll have to add more minor details instead of just glossing over it.

Short and sweet

Plus, take all your jokes and write them out on a piece of paper. Write it just as you would say it. Then go back through and eliminate every unnecessary word. That's how you tighten your material. You take out every unnecessary word. The spoken word is much shorter that the written word. And yet when comics write out material, they'll write it all out so it makes perfect sense and they'll remember it phonetically. But they don't have to do that. It can be shortened. Example, in my act I talk about playing cards in an old poker room with old dead people. There was a dead person at my table. And everyone else says, ‘No. He's got a 'poker face' and I say, "No. He dead.” Not 'he IS dead' or "he's dead". I shortened it to 'He dead'. I shortened the words to get the punch.

The funny bone is connected to the...

Have you ever been talking to someone and they're trying to tell you a story and they start cracking up at the story because they know how the story goes? And you find yourself smiling, and nodding along with him? And you're ready to explode too? That same thing you can do on stage. But you can't do that unless you build a personal connection with the audience. You can build that up. You can get huge laughs off of a setup by looking at people and engaging them and smiling. Also when you're delivering your material, pan to the side of the room but always deliver your punch lines to the front.

Rock the mic

Know where the mic is and don't let it become an obstruction. If you want to take it out of the mic stand, fine. Move the stand over and get it out of your way. Don't put it in the front of the stage where it can be a hindrance or block any body's view. If you're going to just talk and leave it in the stand, move your hands. Don't be boring.

Voice

Don't be monotone. The old comedy adage: Louder is always funny. Now, just because it's loud doesn't mean it's funny. But if it's funny quiet, then it will kill if you add some volume to it.

Silent But Deadly

One of the most important things that young comics do is that they're afraid of silence. Silence is a wonderful tool. If used properly, silence can double your laughs per minute. Use it. It adds an air of confidence. How do you use it? Before you do the punch line to a joke, if you pause you'll get a laugh at the anticipation of the punch line. And when you hit the punch line, you'll get another laugh. So you just doubled your laughs off that one joke. You can do that throughout your own act and up your laughs-per-minute. Just by implementing it off the bat, you can up your laughs-per-minute 30-40%.

Also, everybody thinks they have to have a segue. You don't have to have a segue. It's just been ingrained in us and it's been something we've been told we had to have a smooth transition - to make it seem conversational, like it's one long story. But it's not. If you want to switch topics, stop. Pause. Then switch topics. That's all you have to do. You don't have to add all these other words. Using silence there instead of 'Uh, um, speaking of' will greatly increase your productivity (in terms of laughs per minute), increase your believability as an entertainer, and the your confidence. Even if you don't have the confidence, just not being afraid is a huge, huge thing. And who cares if they haven't gotten to the joke yet. They'll get there. They'll come with you there. Just wait, and trust in your material. Use silence. Trust me. It'll work.

Zero-drink minimum

Don't drink at the club - ever. And I know you're thinking, "Aww, dude! It's free drinks!" I know. Here’s what happens. You’re cool. You’re having your two drinks, three drinks per show. The manager at the end of the week will be doing the books and will see your comp sheet. And it's inevitable that even thought the beer costs him 50 cents apiece, and he sells them for 6 dollars of whatever they sell them for. He won't see that fact that 28 beers basically cost him only 14 dollars. He'll see the fact that he lost 168 dollars that he lost. And he looks at your food tab a sees what that cost him. And they get 'pissy'. He doesn't see what he put in; he just sees what they could have gotten. And what that does it means that you cost him more money. That means if you're a feature act and you're trying to make headway in this industry and you're sending your 'avails' out. He's a businessman. He knows that he has budgeted for 7 shows, 600 dollars. But between your food and your drinks the last time you were here, you rang up an extra 250 dollars. So now you're costing him not 600 but 850. Over a month, that’s 1000 dollars. Over a year that's 12000 dollars that he's got to pay for comics that drink. They see that as a payment, they see that as telemarketing, and a month of radio that generates tickets. Giving beers to comics doesn't generate anything. You know what that means? That means you lost work! You lost work to the guy that didn't drink, ate sandwiches, didn't try to be a big shot and buy girl's drinks or anything like this. He's going to get the work over you. And you're sitting at home another week getting your beatings from your family. When are you going to pay your bills? When are you going to pay your rent? Your landlord won't take, "Hey. I wrote a great new dick joke" for rent. You have to treat it as a business. It's show 'business'.

It's just business

When you do get a gig do you send avails? At the end of the week when you're getting paid, do you talk to that person about more availability? And what do I need to do to get more work out of you? What can I help you with? How can I make it easier on you? What can I do better next time? Ask!

Be a good businessperson. If they're giving you your first feature gig in an A-room, at the end of the week write a thank-you card. People love it when you hand-write something. To me, it's so much easier to handwrite something and mail it than it is to email something. It takes you five minutes and it makes such a difference and people’s reaction to you as a person, as somebody that wants to get booked. The only time comedy is competitive is getting the actual work. There's only 52 weeks in a year. If you want to fill up your date book and do this professionally, you have to give yourself every advantage. And never give them something they can take away from you or they can have over you. If someone says you're too 'blue', you clean it up. If they still say you're 'too blue', you thank them at the end of the week and you leave and you don't throw a fit about it. If you can't clean it up then you shouldn't have been in that position anyway. And if they didn't know about it then shame on them for booking you without knowing. But don't take it personal.